idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize