You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
