if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
