So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
