He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
