this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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