I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
