The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
