I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
