God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
