fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
