ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
