my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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