I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
