I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
