Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
