You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
