Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
