the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
