I am midnight drunk by noon
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
