you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
