How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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