Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
