It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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