you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
