I'm really into asian looking animals
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
