You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
