He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
