I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
