Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
