Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
