Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
