You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
