the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
