Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
