i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
