I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
