rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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