Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
