is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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