It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
