I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
