I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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