her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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