My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
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