she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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