I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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