Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
