Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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