the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
