i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
