Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
