4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
