he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
