it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My bed smells like the plague
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
